As I have been out of town so much lately, some of my mail had piled up. Last night I was going through a stack of mail and I found an envelope from my company. Working remotely, I get several envelopes a week from the office containing any mail that I had received down there as well as inter-office memos and the likes. So I open the envelope and pull out a black hanky.
I was shocked and panicked momentarily. I thought to myself "Oh my God! Who in the office thinks I am into heavy S&M?" This thought was immediately followed with "Oh my God! Who in the office is into heavy S&M?" Still thinking it had something to do with gay hanky codes, I opened the hanky up to look at it. I was relieved, and highly amused when I found a logo in the corner for our company picnic.
So I shared the story with a gay colleague who was cracking up. He said he knew what I was going to say shortly after I started telling him. He said he and his boyfriend were dying at the picnic and none of the other 'mos from the office were there to share it with. It turns out they had made black AND red hankies for everyone to choose from when you registered. LOL... who knew they were such a kinky bunch.
On a related and somewhat more absurd twist on this subject, have you ever wondered what color the bible thumpers are flagging? People like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, James Dobson and Fred Phelps? Click here to find out.
Stolen from him. I said yes a whole lot more than he did. I am also a little older and obviously a little more promiscuous.
HAD SEX?: yes
HAD ORAL SEX?: yes
USED MORE THAN 3 POSITIONS DURING SEX?: yes
DEVOTED A WHOLE DAY TO SEX?: yes
HAD NOISE COMPLAINTS FROM NEIGHBORS DURING A SEX SESSION?: no
RECEIVED OPEN PRAISE FOR SEXUAL TECHNIQUE?: yes
FALLEN OR LOST BALANCE DURING SEX?: yes
BROUGHT YOUR PARTNER TO CLIMAX USING ONLY HANDS?: yes
BROUGHT YOUR PARTNER TO CLIMAX USING ONLY MOUTH?: yes
HAD SEX WHILE TOTALLY DRESSED?: yes
HAD SEX STANDING UP?: yes
EROTICALLY LICKED FEET OR SUCKED TOES?: yes
HAD SEX DURING YOUR “MONTHLY VISIT”?: n/a
USED WHIPPED CREAM/SOFT CHOCOLATE EROTICALLY?: yes
USED ICE EROTICALLY?: yes
USED HOT MELTED WAX EROTICALLY?: no
SHAVED YOUR PUBIC HAIR?: no
USED A SEX TOY?: yes
USED A VIBRATOR?: yes
OBTAINED MONEY OR A FAVOR FOR SEX?: no
PAID OR GRANTED A FAVOR FOR SEX?: no
GIVEN SEX IN SYMPATHY?: no
HAD SEX WITH A VIRGIN?: yes
EVER CHEATED ON SOMEONE?: yes
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE 10 YEARS OLDER/YOUNGER THAN YOU?: yes
HAD SEX WITH YOUR LANDLORD?: no
HAD SEX WITH A TEACHER?: yes, not mine though and I was not a student at the time
HAD SEX WITH A BOSS?: no
HAD SEX WITH A RELATIVE?: no, yuck
HAD SEX WITH TWO MEMBERS OF THE SAME FAMILY?: yes
HAD SEX WITH TWINS?: no
HAD SEX WITH A PET?: no, double yuck
HAD SEX WITH A FARM ANIMAL?: for the love of God no
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE THE SAME DAY THAT YOU MET THEM?: yes
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE WHOSE NAME YOU DIDN’T KNOW?: yes
HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU NEVER SPOKE TO/SPOKE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?: yes
HAD MORE THAN 10 SEXUAL PARTNERS?: yes
HAD MORE THAN 100 SEXUAL PARTNERS?: hmmm
HAD TWO SEPARATE SEXUAL PARTNERS WITHIN 24 HOURS?: yes
HAD A MENAGE-A-TROIS?: yes
HAD GROUP SEX (MORE THAN 3)?: yes
PARTICIPATED IN A SWAP/SWINGING CLUB?: no
HAD TWO REGULAR PARTNERS AT THE SAME TIME?: yes
HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?: yes
IF SO, WHERE?: camping, back room, hmmm
HAD SEX OUTDOORS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?: yes
HAD SEX ON THE ROOF OF A BUILDING?: yes
HAD SEX IN A STATIONARY CAR?: yes
HAD SEX IN A MOVING CAR?: yes
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE MILE HIGH CLUB?: not yet
HAD SEX OUTDOORS AT NIGHT?: yes
HAD TWO SEXUAL PARTNERS AT THE SAME TIME UNAWARE OF EACH OTHER?: yes
HAD SEX IN THE HOSTS BEDROOM WHILE A DAY GUEST (PARTY/SOCIAL VISIT)?: yes
HAD SEX IN THE HOSTS BEDROOM WHILE AN OVERNIGHT GUEST?: yes
HAD SEX IN PUBLIC ROOM WHILE AN OVERNIGHT GUEST (KITCHEN, ETC)?: yes
HAD SEX AT YOUR OFFICE OR OTHER WORK AREA?: no
MET PARTNER DURING WORK HOURS TO HAVE SEX?: no
HAD SEX IN PUBLIC RESTROOM?: yes
HAD SEX ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION?: no
HAD SEX IN A DARK THEATRE?: yes
HAD SEX IN THE WATER?: yes
HAD SEX IN AN ELEVATOR?: no
HAD SEX IN A CEMETERY?: yes, I grew up next to one... LOL
HAD SEX IN A STORE DRESSING ROOM?: no
USED ALCOHOL TO LOWER RESISTANCE TO SEXUAL ADVANCES?: no, but it has lowered my resistance
ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE FELT UP BY A STRANGER?: yes
LOOKED AT A NUDE MAGAZINE?: yes
LOOKED AT AN EXPLICIT MAGAZINE (ACTUAL SEX ACTS)?: yes
SEEN A LIVE STRIPPER?: yes
SEEN A LIVE SEX SHOW?: yes
WATCHED SOMEONE HAVING SEX WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE?: yes
SHOWERED WITH A PARTNER?: yes
FLASHED SOMEONE (BREASTS, GENITAL, MOONED)?: yes
STREAKED WITH A GROUP OF SIX OR MORE?: no
STRIPPED FOR SOMEONE?: yes
STRIPPED FOR A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE?: maybe
PARTICIPATED AT A NUDE BEACH OR NUDIST CAMP?: yes
BEEN THE ONLY NUDE PERSON IN A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE?: no
PLAYED STRIP POKER (OR A SIMILAR GAME INVOLVING NUDITY)?: yes
SHOWERED WHILE SOMEONE WATCHED?: yes
MASTURBATED WHILE SOMEONE WATCHED?: yes
MASTURBATED FOR A GROUP OF 3 OR MORE PEOPLE?: no
MASTURBATED COVERTLY IN PUBLIC?: no
HAD SEX WHILE YOU KNEW SOMEONE WAS WATCHING?: yes
BEEN WALKED IN ON WHILE HAVING SEX?: yes
WALKED IN ON SOMEONE HAVING SEX?: yes
HAD PHONE SEX?: yes
WATCHED A PORN VIDEO WITH A SEXUAL PARTNER?: yes
BEEN THE PHOTOGRAPHER FOR A NUDE PHOTO?: yes
BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED NUDE?: yes
BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED HAVING SEX?: yes
BEEN VIDEOTAPED HAVING SEX?: yes
WATCHED A REGULAR SEXUAL PARTNER HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE?: yes
ROLE PLAYED A SEXUAL SITUATION?: yes
TAKEN PART IN TRANSVESTISM?: no
USED A BLINDFOLD DURING SEX?: yes
USED HANDCUFFS DURING SEX?: yes
INFLICTED PAIN DURING SEX?: no
RECEIVED PAIN DURING SEX?: no
Being single, I have been frequenting some of the online cruising sites frequented by so many gay men. Hey, I am not ashamed of it. Where, other than in bars, am I going to meet people? Sometimes it is for actual dates and sometimes for "playdates". Actually, I spend far more time chatting with guys and talking about meeting than really meeting. Normally, for playdates, you find someone who wants to "host" when you just got in and don't feel like going back out or you find someone wants to "travel" NOW when you just want to go to bed. Anyway, that isn't what I wanted to post about.
In chatting with guys, a subject has come up that I have been thinking about for sometime now. The subject is whether or not it is OK to "play" with people who are HIV+. It is a subject that all sexually active gay men should consider at some point. Initially, and when I was in a long term relationship, my thinking was no, I couldn't play with people who were HIV+. I have asked a few other people what they would do. Some said "NO WAY", others said they might if they were not in a relationship and yet others said they already do. I am still perplexed about what my own personal stand on this is. I only engage in safe sex to start with, so the risk is mitigated, but not eliminated. And in all honesty, if you are "playing" you should be playing as if everyone you play with is positive. Because the reality is that there are going to be those people who either don't know they are positive or who won't tell the truth about being positive. So it is a good and safe assumption to make. So, the question remains, if someone admits up front that they are HIV+, should that be reason to not play with them?
I think there are a lot of side issues involved in this decision, beyond protecting your own physical health and remaining negative. There is the chance that you will click or bond with the positive person and develop a relationship. That requires being able to make long term and challenging commitments to your partner, should his health start to fail. It involves the stress of dealing with the complications and side-effects of medication and emotional problems associated with having a partner who is positive. And finally there is the very real possibility of having to witness the person you have fallen in love with suffer and deteriorate over the years, and even having to deal with the loss of that person to the disease. Hmmm, still not sure where I stand on the issue, but it is something I have to consider. In the meantime... wrap it up boys!
OK, being the thoughtful, caring, do-gooder that I am, I feel compelled to go and provide community service (like Mother Theresa, ya' know) in Mexico City. A friend sent me this article saying he thought of me when he read it. How sweet!
I got this very interesting questionaire from the Sex Addicts Anonymous website. It got me thinking about how many people I know, myself included, may actually have a problem with this issue. They say that "sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life." With the stress that gay men face regarding their orientation, it would not be surprising that gay men suffer from sex addiction at higher rates than the general population.
Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.
1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?
8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?
11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend an Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs.